Eating Elephants

“When you take the word DOG and flip the letters around what do you get?” I’ve heard this phrase quite often in awe inspired conversations about the pets that we call “man’s best friend”. I’ve always wrestled with religion and the belief of a higher power, questioning the notion of such things in everyday life. I have however considered myself to be a very spiritual individual, allowing myself the chance of reading the signs of the universe or what the world around me might be trying to communicate. A spark of enthusiastic conversation with a stranger, a rainy day when I’m feeling blue, a sunrise to kiss my face in the morning as I awaken from a deep slumber, a butterfly that flutters across my path when I become enamored in my own mind.

There have been times however in my life when I have felt as though my relationship with a couple of these four legged animals have been the closest connection to that higher power. One is with my best friends dog Athena, and the other is with my childhood pup and best companion a young man could ask for, Baron.

My family and I got Baron when I was around 12 years old. Coaxing my parents with some intense persuasion as well as a bit of teenage pouting, my sister Hilary and I finally convinced them to get another dog. He was a beautiful golden retriever with a fiery red coat that granted him the appearance of warmth as a companion as well as a cuddle buddy! The day we brought him home I was told he sat in all of our laps and chose us as a family. The truth is, I don’t really remember that too much. However, I do remember feeling his apprehension and fear in being away from his immediate family. I also remember thinking to myself that it was going to be ok, that he would be ok! I personally took it on as my own responsibility to make sure that he felt at home with us. Not long after, he was jumping through the great giant mounds of snow in our backyard as we threw snowballs for him to chase.

Now why would I bring up my childhood companion as I’m out enduring this amazing adventure, hiking through the woods on a day to day basis? I tried to recollect all the things I had encountered in the smokies this past week, with the awe and ire of the sights and sounds that had crossed my path, as well as the emotions that came stirring through it all. There was much to break down. The sights were truly breathtaking throughout the park and the conversation, along with the assortment of companions were something to marvel over as well.

I do however vividly remember a dream from Tuesday night. I can recall meeting a man who worked for MillerKnoll (Herman Miller) with whom I was relaying my displeasure in my time of employment there. I also recall having two dogs with me. A rambunctious young pup and of course, my buddy who had passed away in 2020, Baron! I had asked the man to explain to me why he was working at MillerKnoll (Herman Miller) and what benefits it brought to his life when the young pup began to aggressively play with Baron. Acknowledging his age, I separated the young pup from Baron before it got too out of hand. As the man from MillerKnoll (Herman Miller) held the young pup my gaze turned to Baron. We exchanged long glances with each other and for a moment he was in a trance, ready to fight, filled with anger in those weary aged eyes. As we peered into each others minds, he immediately relaxed, gave me a huge reluctant sigh and helplessly collapsed, uncomfortably bending his paws underneath his legs. “Come here buddy” I said to him and grabbed his front paws, reeling him into my lap. I know that his eyes were brown, however, in this dream his eyes were a beautiful hazel color. As we locked eyes again, with him lying in my lap, we need not say anything to each other but there was such a clear unspoken conversation between the two of us. As I ran my fingers through his coarse golden fiery hair, with evident traces of gray, he took his last breath in my lap, something I missed out on in real life. I awoke from my dream within the clutches of my sleeping bag, tears gently streaming down my face.

As I hiked through that day I couldn’t help but recount the precious dream that I had in the darkness of night. I must’ve shed tears a good 10-15 times that day. Tears of sadness, happiness, and even a sense of grace. For I felt within my soul that my best friend was resting in peace somewhere chasing soccer balls and hiking the dunes of some majestic park with a beautiful view of a lake. We ascended to the highest point on the A.T. that day, climbing clingmans dome, feeling larger than life. At 6,643 feet in elevation, I took the opportunity to watch the sun disappear out of sight. As one might imagine, a fiery golden sunset touched down on top of that beautiful sea of mountains.

“Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love. They depart to teach us about loss. A new dog never replaces an old dog, it merely expands the heart.” – Erica Jong