Eating Elephants

I once had a professor whilst in my time studying at Muskegon Community College who used to coin the phrase “knowledge is power!” She was one of the toughest woman I’ve ever met with a zero bullshit authority within the classroom, a real brute upon first introductions. I always gaffed at the remark, thinking to myself “of course you of all people would say that, it is after all your job to dish out knowledge.” I grew to admire the woman, yet I never aced any of her tests, barely passing the class with a measly C average grading. I think in due time she grew to respect me as well, for although I’ll never be some wizard in the studies of anything science related, I could recognize a good nugget of advice when it came my way. We bonded over stories of adventure and my opinions of someone who hated their job and all the naive adolescents that walked through her door, shifted to facts that she genuinely cared about her students with a tender grace about her inquisitions.

As I pulled into my job today, I felt incredibly drained from my weekend festivities of our local pub pedal and was not at all feeling an 8 hour shift of kissing ass to make a tip. Upon immediate arrival I found that there were three valet runners on in which case one of us could leave early. I stated my case, professing that I was hung over from the night before so one of my fellow runners and I flipped a coin for who could claim dibs on going home. I asked for tails and twice without fluke that coin landed on my token of freedom from work. Green light!

Leaving work I knew I needed to be outside and I knew just the place to be. A lovely little boat launch just 25-30 minutes from my house. So I packed up my work shoes and grabbed some tacos before heading for my car in the employee lot; I was ready to listen to the world that revolves around me.

As I pulled into the parking lot of the boat launch that read “Eastmanville Bayou Boat Launch” I spotted a shiny round thing in the middle of the entrance. “Is that a turtle?” I said to myself. Sure enough as I grew closer to the cylinder shell, it slowly plucked along across the pavement. Without even thinking about it, I shifted my car into park in the middle of the entrance, got out and picked up the tortoise. It seemed to be, by all manner, very calm when I picked him up and I mentioned a few words to it letting it know that I was taking it away from danger, as if it could understand me right?

We got into my car and from the slam of my door he began to freak out. Scratching and clawing at me so I again tried to soothe it with a calming voice, “I’m taking you to the water dude, chill out!” Turns out I am not a turtle whisperer because as I turned on my car and put the gear shifter into drive the little reptile began to piss all over me. “Fuck me I’m trying to save you little guy!” I hurried up and pulled as close to the water as I could and stepped out of my car, the turtles spastic tension seemingly subsiding with a couple trickles of piss here and there. I got to the river and slowly lowered it into the water and away it went into the murky depths.

I don’t know why I did it, I guess maybe we can chalk it up to my own personal belief that when you treat Mother Nature with tenderness she seems to reciprocate the love. It also gave me a great chuckle to think that I just picked up a turtle and it pissed all over me in the driver seat of my car.

I’ve been wanting to jump off a bridge into a deep pool of water and everytime I get into my car I keep my eyes peeled for such a bridge. This one had potential. It was a wide crossing of the river and I thought maybe out in the middle it will be deep enough for me to make the jump. I needed information; how deep was it, would I be able to dive off the platform that cars drive across? As I went out to find a spot to get into the water, there was the boat launch with enough space from the shore to be able to dive into the river so I took my shirt off, went over to the railing and plunged in. How refreshing an unexpected swim can feel when you have nothing but time on your side.

Still some ways up the river was the bridge, I began to make my way up the shore of the bank, stumbling over stones and broken tree limbs. As I peered off to my left, lo and behold the little turtle was swimming up stream with me and we slowly trudged along together, hello universe! I got to a point where I wanted to swim out to the middle of the river and check the depths with the plan to float with the current back to the launch pad. It was a good thing I checked rather than just letting my spontaneous nature take a leap of faith because the river was indeed not nearly deep enough. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! I could have asked someone if they knew how deep the river was but if I had done that before ever thinking of jumping in the water I would have missed the experience in its entirety. I would have missed the turtle, I would have missed the interaction with turtle piss getting sprayed at me, forcing me to laugh at myself. I would have missed one of the most delightful swims on this beautiful sunny afternoon, I would have missed the little adventure in its purest form.

Sometimes, life has these little funny ways of shaking us out of our thoughts. When we become so enamored in our own mind that we forget to pay attention to our surroundings. A deer runs across your drive, scaring the shit out of you. A bird that was hidden merely inches from your face takes flight, startling your senses. In this case, a turtle takes a piss all over you while you try to help it out.

Just before I reached the boat launch I was listening to a lecture by Alan Watts, I know I’m on a bit of a kick. In this lecture he posed the thought of “why not commit suicide?” A very dark and interesting topic but I think I can speak for most when I say of course I’ve had thoughts that lead to “what’s the use in all this?” He also posed the idea that when you treat life all around you as if it is meaningless, you begin to treat your own life as meaningless. I firmly believe that life is not meaningless and although at times it may seem plain and quite mundane, it is also breathtaking when you take the chance of a detour. So when life leaves you feeling down, take a walk. Sit on a bench in the park and listen to the melody of the birds. Watch the rhythm of the water from a river and notice how it flows, for it’s not so different from the flow of you nor I. Pick up the turtle in the middle of the street, who knows what’ll come of it. At the very least you’ll be able to laugh at yourself when your shirt becomes soiled from the fright of the little guy.

“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”

-Alan Watts